


L$D

by fmljustlex



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Songfic, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmljustlex/pseuds/fmljustlex
Summary: Based on Asap Rocky's song L$D.~^~Justin felt a strange emotion bubble up inside him, as if he was hoping for something but wasn’t sure what. It was then he noticed the sticker on his shirt. Alex. “You need a ride?”Alex nodded, expression hopeful. “I noticed you have a car, and I just so happened to be the person you spill your drink over. It’s basically fate.”Justin cocked a brow, biting back a grin. “Oh yeah?” The waitress set their drinks on the counter and he lifted his, eyeing the concoction that was Alex’s. “Fine. But we’re having our coffee first. Or, whatever the fuck it is you ordered.”





	L$D

_It started in Hollywood_  
_Dreamin’ of sharin’ love_  
_My tongue at a loss for words_  
_Cause my feelings just said it all_

Justin was tired of driving. He was tired of the constant traveling, but there was still the desperate need in him to get away. As soon as he’d finished high school he’d ran, got into his car and left. He thought as soon as he’d gotten out of the town he’d feel better; but he drove through one state, and then another, and still the urge to get farther away was there.

Eventually the further he further he got the easier it was to breathe, but also, the more his heart ached. He knew he’d done the right thing. That he was better off gone, that she wouldn’t miss him anyway, and he could start a better life on his own. But she was still his mom, even if she never acted like it, and he was starting to feel painfully alone.

He was driving through Los Angeles, and as he looked out his window he could see the Hollywood sign. He looked back at the road and blinked desperately to keep his eyes open, which were dry and tired from watching the road. He decided here was a good a place as any to stop, and drove on into the town in search of food.

He’d spent the entirety of his travels on his own, and he was starting to crave company. Before he’d left, he’d always had someone. He’d had relationships or at the least he’s find a hookup. He’d been able to easily find someone to be with him, to give him the rare affection he’d been deprived of. Now he was alone again, and it was slowly driving him insane.

He found a small cafe and pulled up against the curb. When he got it, he went straight to the counter. He ordered a black coffee, ignoring the waitress’ wary look–he probably looked like shit–and rubbed his hands against his eyes.

She set his coffee on the counter and he took it with a murmured thanks, turning around to find a table–and immediately bumping into the person behind him, spilling his coffee down their shirt.

“Fuck, sorry,” he took a quick step back, wincing at the stain quickly spreading over the guy’s shirt (and at the loss of his coffee. He couldn’t really afford to waste money on another).

“No, it’s cool, you’re the one who lost your coffee,” he reached past Justin for a napkin, while Justin himself was setting the cup back on the counter, shaking the burning liquid off that had dripped onto his palm. “I’ll buy you another. Black?”

Justin’s head whipped up to finally look at the stranger he’d probably just burned, and his heart faltered. The guy was young, probably just a little more so than him, with bleached hair that looked almost white and startling blue eyes. His eyes traveled to the septum piercing glinting silver against the light, and it only gave him another reason to stare.

The boy looked past him and spoke to the girl behind the counter–ordering, he realised–and he couldn’t find the words to protest. He felt tongue-tied.

He swallowed down the feeling. “I’m the one who ruined your shirt.”

The blonde looked down at said garment and shrugged. “It’ll come out. But you look like you could use a coffee.”

Justin grimaced. He’s sure he can’t argue there. “You don’t have to pay for it, though.”

“I may have an ulterior motive,” the guy smiled slightly. “I’m only here ‘cause I was visiting Cal State and thought it’d be a good idea to go on to Hollywood. What wasn’t such a good idea was leaving my car at the hotel and walking around.”

Justin felt a strange emotion bubble up inside him, as if he was hoping for something but wasn’t sure what. It was then he noticed the sticker on his shirt. Alex. “You need a ride?”

Alex nodded, expression hopeful. “I noticed you have a car, and I just so happened to be the person you spill your drink over. It’s basically fate.”

Justin cocked a brow, biting back a grin. “Oh yeah?” The waitress set their drinks on the counter and he lifted his, eyeing the concoction that was Alex’s. “Fine. But we’re having our coffee first. Or, whatever the fuck it is you ordered.”

_I know I dream about her all day_  
_I think about her with her clothes off_  
_I’m ridin’ ‘round with my system pumping LSD_

The drive turned into one of many. Alex was spending the week there, getting to know the area and deciding if it was where he wanted to go.

It’d only been two days, but Justin couldn’t get him out of his head. When Justin got here, he’d expected the urge to keep moving would push him out within the day. But the moment he’d met Alex, it seemed to vanish.

When he wasn’t with him, he found himself thinking about him anyway. If he wasn’t with Alex, it meant he was alone, and all his mind could do was wish that he wasn’t.

He was driving around the area, and even with his mind on the road thoughts of the blonde boy wouldn’t leave. His head was filled with the image of his blue eyes, his soft hair. The feel of him–his hand touching his arm as he pushed him playfully; fingers pushing back his hair; shoulders and thighs pressed together when they were next to each other.

Of the way he could feel, if the layers between them disappeared and Justin could run his hands over his skin, feel all his dips and edges and curves. If he could trace patterns on it with his fingers, his lips…

He turned the radio up louder.

_I get a feelin’ it’s a trippy night_  
_Them other drugs just don’t fit me right_  
_Girl, I really fuckin’ want love, sex, dreams_

It’s two days before Alex is supposed to leave, and Justin had found out about a party that was happening that night, before he had to leave. Alex agreed to go saying it would be a good experience to help him decide, but Justin couldn’t help but hope he was doing it for him.

Something about it made Justin feel like this night was different. Maybe it was because he was waiting for Alex to leave; maybe it was because that meant he probably would, too. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, then. He wasn’t sure there was a point without Alex.

He’d tried turning to his stash of weed, and instead of helping it had just given his mind a freer run of Alex thoughts. Then thoughts of home had slipped in there, and he’d decided smoking no longer worked.

Nothing made him forget like Alex did.

Nothing else seemed to fit right. He craved Alex constantly, whether he was with him or not. At first, it had been the company that he’d needed, that feeling of having someone else close. Someone to talk to, who laughed at his stupid jokes, who gave him those small but beautiful smiles that always earned his wider one in return.

Then it had gotten to a point of realisation. That he wasn’t just craving anyone’s attention; anyone’s touch, anyone’s love.

He wanted Alex.

He wanted the feeling he got at that smile, at his touch. He wanted to be with him in every way two people could be together. He knew wherever he went after this, he would never find anything like it. Even though the only time he ever got what he fully wanted was in his sleep.

He never wanted to lose those dreams.

_Party just started up_  
_Dreamin’ of sharin’ worlds_  
_Held this feeling for way too long_  
_Said, “I really wanna let it go”_

Justin had made sure they waited to go to the party until a time that was ‘fashionably late’, but even then it seemed like it was only starting. Alex was quiet but there at his side, and he wished he could find something to say.

But Alex was wearing a soft, button down shirt in place of his usual cardigans, and a thin, black, rope-like choker settled snugly around his neck. His septum piercing was safely in place, and overall Justin had never felt more tongue tied.

“So this is fun,” Alex said lightly.

Justin looked over at him and noticed his blank expression, but his hands twisting nervously in front of him gave him away.

He rose a brow, the start of a smirk playing on his lips. “Yeah, sure looks like you think so.”

Alex glanced at him and Justin nodded towards his hands pointedly. They’re movements stopped abruptly, falling to his sides as he gave him a dry look. “Parties aren’t really my thing.”

“Then why did you come?” Justin was careful to keep his tone purely curious so Alex didn’t take it the wrong way. But Alex looked down and gave a small shrug, and Justin knew that couldn’t have happened. Alex was as comfortable with him as he was with Alex, despite Justin’s reflexive asshole demeanor.

He’d turned to it before with the blonde, tone turning harsh against his will when asked something he wasn’t ready to answer. Alex had watched him silently until Justin’s heart couldn’t take it, and he’d apologized in a rush, saying sorry countless times and pleading forgiveness.

But Alex had just laughed at him, kicking at his knee where it bent over the bench. He’d looked at him with soft eyes, settling his feet over his lap and saying, “You’re acting like I didn’t know you were an asshole. You literally tossed your coffee over me when we met, and I still liked you. Chill.”

Justin had barely stopped himself crying in pure relief.

He looked at him now as Alex muttered his explanation. “It’s not my thing, but it seemed like it was yours. So, I wanted to come with you.”

Justin stared at him. He slowly let himself smile. The thought of Alex doing this because he wanted to learn more about him caused a funny stir in his stomach. Because they were his thing, Justin realised. Parties were a necessity in his high school years, to keep his image so he’d have a bed to sleep in all those nights he needed it, and to have that feeling of importance. To be invited to them, to be wanted there and celebrated when he arrived, to feel like maybe he belonged with them after all.

Now though, with the people dancing and hooking up around them, the music so loud in their ears it caused the ground to vibrate under their feet, he realised he didn’t really want to be here. He had invited Alex in hopes of sharing a part of his world; but it wasn’t his world anymore.

Alex was.

“They used to be my thing,” he agreed slowly. “I guess I felt like they still should be. That I should still be like that.”

Alex came to a stop and pulled them so they were stood against the wall. “Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Justin shrugged it off, but Alex kept looking at him. “Like, the whole partying jock stereotype I was in high school that actually sucks.”

Alex’s brow furrowed. “Why did you ‘have to be like that’?”

Justin’s first instinct was to avoid the question, but Alex had taken his hand and was absentmindedly playing with his fingers, looking down at where their skin touched. Justin couldn’t lie to him. He’d always hidden these feelings, held them in close to himself where no one else could reach. He was tired of it.

“I needed to have the right friends. Ones that had a garage I could stay in when I needed it.” He shrugged. “I guess I thought that meant I had to be jerk that was popular enough everyone just had to pretend they liked me.”

Alex scoffed. “That’s not it. They pretended to like you ‘cause yeah, you were an asshole, but you were a hot one.”

Justin let out a surprised laugh, his heart fluttering. He decided to be brave. “Is that what you would’ve done?”

“Oh, no, I would’ve hated you in high school.” But he gives him a blinding smile that opens in a laugh when Justin punches his shoulder. “Is that still how you feel?”

Justin glanced down at where there hands were still twisted together. “I guess. I really wanna let it go, though.” He looked back up, and their eyes locked. “Everything I’ve been holding back. I wanna let everything go.”

They watched each other for a moment, Justin feeling like his heart was in his throat, and Alex feeling his leave his chest and land in the hands of the boy in front of him. He was about to pull away when he was stopped.

When Alex leaned up, and kissed him.

_She ain’t a stranger to the city life_  
_I introduce her to this hippy life_  
_We make love under pretty lights, LSD_

They pushed their way out of the party and stumbled down the pavement to Justin’s car. Stumbled, because neither of them was willing to let the other go, and Justin kept pulling Alex around for more kisses, meaning the smaller boy walked most of the distance backwards.

They made it to the car only for Justin to push Alex against it, mouths moving hungrily as their hands grabbed at whatever they could reach, fingers clutching waists, arms, shoulders, hair.

Alex breathed out a question in between, sentence broken after every word when his lips were preoccupied. “Where are you staying?”

“You’re leaning on it,” Justin murmured, nipping at the other’s bottom lip.

Alex went to pull back but Justin followed, lips moving to trail along his jaw until he pushed him by the shoulders. He stopped, moving away to look at him curiously. Alex’s brows were raised. “You’ve been staying in your car?”

Justin shrugged, gaze falling in embarrassment, but a delicate hand on his cheek pulled it back up. “You’ve been staying in your car, this whole time, when I have a perfectly good room in the hotel?”

Justin’s eyes brightened and Alex kissed his cheek, whispering the next words into his ear. “Get in the car, Foley.” Justin pressed another hard kiss to his lips before obeying, Alex already slipping into the passenger side.

Justin drove with one hand, the other planted on Alex’s thigh, thumb rubbing circles against the rough material of his jeans.

They made it to the hotel and Alex kept a foot away from him until they made it to the room. Then, the door closed behind them and Alex’s hands were back on him, tugging him towards the bed as his lips attached to his neck.

Justin let out a breathy noise, arms winding around the blonde’s waist, pulling him with him as he fell back onto the bed. He was now looking at the ceiling–the ceiling that was covered in dozens of multi coloured lights, randomly dotting the entire space. The colours were soft, twinkling above them like stars.

“How did you get this room?” He asked it in awe, and Alex paused his ministrations on his neck to look down at him.

“What do you mean?” Then he realised where Justin’s gaze was directed and smiled. “You can change them. You can turn on the normal ones, the bigger ones you can’t see right now, or all the little ones. You can make them white, too, or like the really neon colours but I thought they were pretty like this.”

Justin nodded, heart full of that feeling you get when you’re looking at something beautiful. His gaze went from the lights on the roof to the light in Alex’s eyes and the feeling got stronger. “Yeah. They’re really pretty.”

Alex seemed to understand, cheeks flushing a soft pink as he ducked his head. Justin tilted his head back up, giving him one last questioning look.

Alex answered by kissing him again.

_I look for ways to say I love you_  
_But I ain’t into makin’ love songs_  
_Baby I’m just rappin’ to this LSD_

Alex decided to go to Cal State. When he was leaving, Justin went with him, spending the few days in Alex’s house while he packed up his things. They were back in LA within the week.

They managed to find a small apartment (and by small, he meant really small) that they could afford between them, meaning Justin didn’t have to spend anymore nights in his car. His belongings were few compared to Alex, which the blonde seemed to notice and mend by putting all their clothes together, wearing Justin’s almost more often than his own.

Not that Justin could complain; Alex suited his clothes, and he often returned the favour, finding most of Alex’s clothes were loose enough on the smaller boy that they fit him snugly. He revelled in the comfort of them when Alex was at college, loving the way his t-shirts now held a mixture of their scents.

Justin knew he was in love with him. Neither of them had said it, and though he looked for ways to he still wasn’t the best at feelings.

So he looked for other ways to say it. He’d discovered Alex was as touch deprived as he was, and constantly found ways to show him affection. The one bedroom apartment helped, although Alex was usually asleep before they got there, Justin carrying him to bed after he fell asleep curled against him on the couch.

Once, when he’d convinced the boy to smoke with him, he’d admitted he used to have trouble sleeping. At the time, he’d been falling that way in Justin’s arms, and Alex had told him that was the reason. Justin had woken up to a dead arm countless times since, refusing to go to sleep any other way if it meant Alex wouldn’t be able to.

Other nights they’d both make it to bed awake, and Alex would pull him in, lips moulding together before the rest of their bodies followed. Those were the nights Justin’s sleep was content enough to give him dreams, and every morning he woke up to his favourite one come true right next to him.

He mightn’t have known how to say it, but he was living it; and his heart had never been fuller with love, sex, and dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you thought! :)


End file.
